


The Sun & The Moon

by scorpiohno



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Bad Friend Clary Fray, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Hurt Raphael Santiago, Hurt Simon Lewis, Inconsiderate Clary, M/M, Magnus Bane is a great father figure, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Raphael deserves happiness, Simon deserves happiness too, Suicide Attempt, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-11-16 03:50:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11245713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiohno/pseuds/scorpiohno
Summary: After Simon makes the mistake to help Clary, just to be ditched by her after hes no longer useful, Simon is left depressed and alone. He feels like he belongs nowhere and doesnt know what to do anymore. He just wants it to end.Little does he know the a certain vampire feels bad as well and has been keeping an eye on him. Will the vampire step in soon enough, or will it be too late?





	1. In Need of Help

"I need your help, Magnus."

That was the first thing Magnus heard once he opened his door to the visitor who had knocked. He raised an eyebrow at the young and broken fledgling, but nevertheless, he stepped aside and allowed him to enter his home. 

"What now, Seaweed? I've already heard about the betrayal, you being exiled from the clan, and the kill order now hanging over your head due to your poor choice. Alexander told me that you don't like the institute. Lonely, isn't it? But what could you expect? You are a traitor so..." At that, Magnus trailed off, brining his mixed drink to his lips for a long sip. It had been a long day with clients, and now he was dealing with the person who had caused many problems for a certain vampire he cared greatly for. At 5 in the morning. When Magnus would rather be in bed asleep with his wonderful boyfriend.

Simon suddenly let out a sniffle, and at that Magnus' heart did clench a bit. While he was beyond angry that his ex and horrible being was released, causing problems for everyone; he knew that it was easy to make mistakes in the early times of becoming part of the Shadow World. While Magnus hadn't made the mistake of releasing a common enemy like Camille, he knew that he had made his fair share of bad choices in his early years as he learned how to be the powerful High Warlock he was today. Magnus could see the pain on his face clearly. It was obvious that he deeply regretted his choices. In that moment, Magnus decided to help this young downworlder. However, that didn't mean he had to go easy on the boy.

"I know, I've made a horrible mistake Magnus," Simon began, looking up at Magnus through bloody tears. "I've regretted my choices for the past two weeks. I've never regretted something as much as I regret this. I feel so alone all the time now. I know, I have no place to ask you for anything, but please could I possibly stay here? I just can't handle the institute anymore. Everyone looks at me like, like a monster and I just can't take it anymore." 

Magnus nodded and looked down at his glass, swishing around the little bit of the drink that was left. He looked back up, "You're right, you have no place to ask me for a place to stay. You do realize, Raphael is the closest thing to a son I have. You've caused him a lot of trouble here recently, but I don't think you need me to tell you that, I'm sure you were well aware of it. At least, I hope so. And yes, you've made a horrible mistake. However, that's no reason to be made to feel like you are a monster, little one."

Magnus lifted his hand, light blue wisps of magic coming from it. Simon could hear a bit of shifting, like wood rubbing against wood. "There's a room at the end of the hall for you. You may stay here safely. But, there is a condition. I need you to agree that you will try to make this right with Raphael. I sadly have no advice for you on how to do that, but I want to see you try to make it up to him. To do better by him."

In a flash, Magnus' arms were filled with a weeping fledgling. Magnus vanished the glass in his hand and wrapped his arms around Simon, comforting him. "Thank you so much, Magnus. This means so much to me. But what's the use in trying with Raphael. Of course I want to make it up to him and apologize to him. I don't think he'll ever forgive me. He's kicked me out and banned me from even stepping foot near the hotel. If I do, the clan is ordered to kill me right then and there. That doesn't leave me with many options."

"Oh, Salmon, don't worry. If Raphael really wanted you dead, trust me, it would be handled by now. Don't tell him I said this, but Raphael is a bit, over the top with things. He gets that from me. He's trying to make a point. You betrayed what is now your family. That's not something that can be punished lightly. But Raphael can be forgiving, and I believe he could forgive you if you showed him how much you claim to regret your choice. Raphael is not as heartless and unforgiving as you may have been lead to believe."

After explaining this, Magnus gently let go of the comforting hold he had on Simon to conjure up a glass of blood for him. "Here, take this and go get ready for bed. The sun will be coming up soon. Tomorrow afternoon, maybe try writing an apology letter to Raphael. I'll take it to him and make sure he reads it. I'm sure one letter wont fix everything, but it will be a good start."

Simon took the glass gratefully, and a small smile graced his face for the first time in two weeks. "Okay, Magnus. Thank you."

Magnus nodded, turning away to walk back to his bedroom while Simon went to him. Upon getting to his room, he smiled at what he saw. There was his shadowhunter, who had rolled onto his side of the bed and had his face shoved into his pillow. He tiptoed over to his bed, and gently got in on the side Alec usually slept on. Alec, however, was a light sleeper, so the slight jostling roused him. "Mags? Where'd you go?" he muttered.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. Simon needed me, he'll be staying with us now." Magnus explained in a soft voice, as Alec rolled over to face Magnus and pull him into his chest. "Okay. Goodnight Magnus, I love you." Alec said, kissing Magnus' hair. Magnus smiled and kissed the chest of the man who made him feel so lucky every day. "Goodnight Alexander, I love you too."

With that, they both drifted back into a peaceful sleep; while a young vampire laid awake in a cold bed on the other side of the apartment, tears of sadness and regret coursing down his cheeks.


	2. The Beginings of an Apology

Simon couldn't rest. He hadn't in past week. Every time he tried to close his eyes, all he could see was the disappointment and anger in Raphael's eyes when he realized what Simon had done. Since Simon couldn't sleep, he decided to work on his letter to Raphael.

He busied himself, pouring out all of his feelings to Raphael. Simon knew this would most likely be his last chance at getting the clan leader to forgive him. Simon had first tried to contact Raphael a few nights after the mistake of releasing Camille. It had went to voicemail, and then the next night when he had tried to call again he found out that Raphael must have gotten his number changed based on the fact that he was greeted by a voice belonging to an elderly lady. 

Simon then decided to see Raphael in person and talk it out. That night Simon was greeted by Lily a block away from the hotel. She pushed him up against a wall and informed him that'd it be in his best interest to turn around and pretend he had never tried to return to the hotel. At this, Simon burst into tears. He begged her to let him talk to Raphael, and told her how sorry he was. How much he regretted his betrayal. Hearing the fledgling break down in this way, Lily softened a bit. 

"Simon, baby, I know you're sorry. The clan can feel how much you're suffering through the bonds we all have. I'd be willing to give you a second chance, but most of the others are not. I may be Raphael's second, but I can't overrule his choice in this case. Simon, you need to leave. It's not safe for you to be so close to the hotel right now. Raphael put a kill order out with your name on it. While I'd never act on it, I can't say the same for others. Please, baby. Just go." She encouraged him. Simon had nodded after her speech, and then ran back to the institute. It was the last place he wanted to be, but the only place he had to go. 

Simon put up with the conditions for a week after the encounter with Lily. If Clary had been still talking to him, Simon probably would have just sucked it up and stayed there despite the discrimination he was facing. But, Clary was no longer acting like his best friend. Every time he even looked in her direction, she'd turn the other way while saying something about a mission she needed to prepare for. Simon wasn't stupid, and he knew she had been put on desk duty by Alec after their stunt with Camille. That's why he was so hurt. He literally threw way his new family for her, and this is the way she repaid him. Simon now understood why Raphael always referred to shadowhunters as "ungrateful beings" along with other choice adjectives. 

Simon told Raphael all of this in his letter. He hoped to show the older vamp that he had learned some lessons through this experience. He hoped to show Raphael his potential to come back better than he had left. Simon knew that it would most likely not be so easy, but he had always been a wishful thinker.  
As Simon was folding up the finished letter, Magnus came in to pick it up. "Are you done, sugarplum?" Magnus asked. Simon just nodded, handing the letter over to Magnus. "Please," Simon quietly said in a hoarse voice, "make sure he reads it."

Magnus nodded, tucking the letter into the pocket inside his jacket. "I'll make him read it then and there, don't worry." Magnus then snapped his fingers, opening a portal to where Simon assumed was Dumort. He then stepped through, closing it behind himself. Simon then let out a sigh, turning back to face the desk he had been sitting at in his room. To his surprise, there was a glass of blood waiting there for him with a note beside it.

_I could tell you haven't slept or fed for a while. You need to take care of yourself, Sandy. I know you've probably had trouble sleeping since you've been thinking so much. I've been there before too. I mixed a sedative into the blood to help you rest. Drink up. We'll get this worked out. I promise you. Sweet dreams.  
-M_

A small smile graced his lips. For that short moment, Simon didn't feel so alone. He picked up the glass, chugging down its contents. Afterwards he got ready for bed, hoping to finally escape the dialog of regrets that his thoughts had been for the past two weeks.


	3. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mention/hint of suicide. Please be careful reading and if the subject triggers you please consider clicking off this chapter/story. Thank you.

Magnus stepped into Hotel Dumort, closing the portal he had created behind him. He straightened his vest, heading up to Raphael's office. From down the hall, he could hear Lily's raised voice. He stalked forward and listened. He had the right, he thought to himself, he hadn't heard from Raphael in a while and he was concerned about the vampire who was like a son to him.

"Raphael, you know how much I love and respect you as not only a friend, but also our leader. But I cannot agree with you in this instance. We all made mistakes in our early years of being what we are. Did Simon make a huge mistake? Yes, he did. But he doesn't deserve to be killed, or even have to worry about that." Lily loudly told him, standing her ground. 

"I appreciate your opinion, but I did not ask for it. Simon is a traitor. The kill order will stand, until I feel that it should be lifted; or until it is carried out." Raphael said, a slight growl in his voice. This shocked Magnus, he had never heard Raphael use that tone with his second in command. Sure, they had their disagreements, but they were always professional and calm. Raphael was never one to lose his patience with Lily like he seemed to be at this moment.

"Wow, Raph. If that's how you feel, then fine. But I hope you know that none of us are going to carry out that order for you. While we are also upset with the fledgling's choice, we understand the confusion he must have felt. He was forced to pick between new family and old. That wouldn't be easy for any of us, and you know that. Who knows, if you were in his position, maybe you would have made the same choice. You always said you would have done anything for your mother or you siblings, and you still do anything for Rosa. Consider that Raphael. As you say, family is everything. Simon only wanted to help. At least he tried coming to you first. You were the one who chose to not listen to him at all. Maybe if you would have, this wouldn't have happened in the first place." Lily said, and then turned and began walking towards the door. Magnus then stood to face Lily as she made her exit. When her face came into Magnus's view, he could see her anger and frustration. However, when her eyes landed on Magnus, relief seemed to wash over her.

"Oh, Magnus, maybe you can talk to him" she said as she hugged him. He returned the hug and then stepped back.

"I'll try my dear, I'll do the best I can. Sam isn't doing very well. He's taking it quite hard. He needs to be back here, and soon." Magnus said to her quietly, and then walked into Raphael's office.

"Hola mi hijo" Magnus said softly, walking over to Raphael. He could see the anger and tension in his posture.

"Hola papa. What brings you here? Raphael asked, sounding exhausted. 

"Well, sweetheart, I fear you may force me to leave when I tell you; based on your conversation with Lily that I happened to overhear." Magnus said, frowning a bit. He didn't want to upset the vamp, but he did promise Simon he'd make sure Raphael read his letter. 

Raphael groaned and turned to take a seat behind his desk. "No, I wont force you to leave. But I can’t promise that I'll like what you have to say." He said, resigned. 

Magnus took a seat on the corner of the vamp's desk, facing him. "Well, I understand why you're so angry. The fledgling did break your trust. However, I'm not used to you turning your back completely on the young and new ones to this life. I seem to recall you not adjusting very well in your early years, little one. Normally, you consider that in these kind of situations." The warlock said, taking on a parental and wise tone. 

Raphael leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, looking more relaxed than any of the clan members or other officials got to see him. He allowed himself to relax this way only in front of a small group of people in his life, and Magnus was one of them. "Papa, I did what I felt was necessary as a leader at the time." Raphael tells him.

Magnus raises an eyebrow, "Did you? Really? I don't believe you, Raphael. I know you, and I know that you know even with the clan as angry as they were with Simon, they would not carry out the kill order." He says. 

The vamp sighed, "Fine. Yes, I knew they wouldn't. But I needed him out of here. I didn't want to be forced to see him, and I knew just telling him to get out wouldn't work for long. So, I issued the kill order. I knew it wouldn't be carried out, and I knew the fear of being killed would keep him away. Well I thought it would. Lily told me he showed up a couple blocks from the hotel recently. She told him to go, and said while she wouldn't kill him others might. After that happened she talked to the others, and apparently everyone feels the same."

Magnus then asked, "Why not give him a chance at earning forgiveness? He's sorry, and he regrets it so much. I think he's learned his lesson by now."

At this, Raphael snorted. "Are you saying that honestly, or because you want him out of your loft? All he cares about is that stupid red shadowhunter."

The warlock's face showed his surprise, "How did you know about that? The only person who knows he's there is Alexander." 

The vamp smiled bitterly, "I was having Simon watched. While I was sure no one would actually carry out the kill order, I wanted to be safe. I had people ready to step in if anything took a turn. I got worried when it was reported to me that he was no longer at the institute, but I assume he's staying with you since I can easily smell his scent on you." 

Magnus nodded at that, "Well, then to answer your question, yes I was being honest. Salmon is genuinely sorry, and he wants to apologize. So, he wrote you something. And I promised him to make sure you read it. And you know how I feel about promises Raphael." He said, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter, handing it to the clan leader.

Raphael took the envelope, grumbling a bit "Yes, papa. You never break a promise" he said, reluctantly opening the letter.

  
_Dear Raphael,_  
_I'm sorry. So so sorry. Words cannot accurately describe my regret. I've never messed up this badly before, and I never will again. Ever. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I realized that I made the worst decision possible. I've learned the hard way that you guys are were my family. You took me in, fed me, taught me, cared for me. It was you and the clan, not clary and her mother. Sadly, I lost the family I had gained in you all, before I could fully appreciate it._  
_I cannot undo the past. If I could, I would have. I would go back and slap myself in the face for even thinking it was a good idea. I was blinded by my love for clary, or who I thought she was. I've learned painfully that I was only seeing her through rose-tinted glassed, I now see her through clear glass. She's not who I thought, she never was. She doesn't care like I thought. Not like you guys cared. She's too busy for me, I was her sidekick when we were unaware of the shadow world, but now I'm just a lame background character. A no-name, easily replaced and honestly completely unnecessary to everyone involved._  
_So, by the time you read this, I'll be long gone. I'd like to see the sun one last time. I know you won't forgive me, and that's okay. I don't blame you. Speaking of blame, don't blame Clary. Yes, she's not great, but I made the choice to help her. It was my fault. I should've said no. Also, you obviously owe me nothing, but compliment Lily's nails every now and then. She tries really hard to make them look good, she shrugs of the compliment, but I know it means a lot to her. Also, maybe talk to Greg about music, if you wouldn't mind? He's really quiet, but mention an old song to him and he never shuts up. In a good way. Maybe think of fixing up the piano for him? It turns out he used to tutor kids who wanted to learn how to play. I bet he's really good. Also, Jackson has some ideas for storing blood more efficiently. He's afraid to mention them to you because he thinks they're stupid, but I think they'd actually be really effective. Also, keep being great Raphael. You don’t get enough credit. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you sooner._  
_Goodbye, Raphael._  
_-Simon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you, or anyone you know, are feeling suicidal, PLEASE reach out for help. You are valued, important, and so loved. Please, talk to someone. A doctor, a family member, a teacher, a friend, a neighbor, a hotline operator, someone. Please. Don't be afraid to get help. Its there for those who need it, and its okay to not be okay.


	4. Morning or Mourning?

After realizing Simon's plan, Raphael was shocked. He stood up, dropping the letter on his desk and grabbing Magnus's arms, "Did you know what he was planning?" He almost shouted. 

Magnus was surprised by the outburst and confused by the question, his eyebrows furrowing. "No? What are you talking about?" He asked the vamp, before he picked up the letter to skim through it for himself. What he read shocked him and filled him with a dread he hadn't felt in a long time. "We have to get back to my apartment, I quickly tracked him, he's still there and we have time before the sun is completely up." The warlock made a portal for the two of them, both of them stepping through it as soon as it popped into existence. 

Arriving at the apartment, they immediately went to the terrace to find the fledgling sitting on the ledge and looking out at the skyline. He heard their approach and quietly said to the two of them, "It's beautiful, isn't it." 

In a blink of an eye, Raphael moved from Magnus's side to Simon's. "Idiota, what are you doing?" He muttered, trying to pull Simon off the ledge and into the safety of Magnus's apartment. Simon wouldn’t budge from his spot.

"You know exactly what I'm doing Raphael. It's not like you care anyway, you wanted me dead. You're getting what you want. Go inside, the sun will be up soon." Simon told the clan leader, sound small and tired.

"Simon, please. Come inside. We can all talk, and we'll get you and Raphael some blood. Please, sayang." Magnus spoke up, pleading. At his voice, Simon turned his head to face the warlock. He gave him a small bitter smile.

"Magnus. A conversation wont undo anything I've done. There's no point. Thank you for everything, but this is it." He said softly, and then turned back to admire the view. Raphael and Magnus were both becoming more and more nervous. Based on the color of the sky, they only have around 30 minutes to get Simon in before Raphael would be forced to go inside and it would be too late.

"Fledgling, come on. Please. I need to talk to you. Come inside with me." Raphael begged, using that tone for the first time in decades. 

Then, all three of them heard the front door open. "Babe, im back. Sorry I'm so late, we ran into some demons and had some trouble tracking them down. I thought we could ge-" the voice of the guest died off when he saw the scene in front of him.

"Magnus, they need to get inside now." Alec said, his voice hard and serious, but Magnus could hear the concern. 

"I know, we're trying to get Simon to come in with us." He said sadly, looking up at his shadowhunter. 

"You mean Simon is trying to-" Alec couldn't finish the sentence once he realized what Simon was attempting. While it was true that the fledgling got on his nerves, he didn't want Simon dead. 

Magnus nodded, looking as scared as Alec felt. Alec walked over and pulled the warlock into his arms, while he turned to face Simon. "Simon please. We all care about you. We don’t want this for you. Please come in with us. We can all work this out together. Give it a chance." Alec pleaded. Simon didn't say anything, but he was surprised by Alec speaking to him. The shadowhunter would normally only speak a few words to him at a time, not multiple sentences.

"Come on, baby. Lets go inside. It'll be okay. I promise you." Raphael said softly. While he was still upset, he didn't want Simon gone. He needed him living, or as living as a vampire could be. He'd already lost too many people he cared about, he knew he couldn't take losing someone else. 

With another tug, Simon allowed Raphael to pull him off the ledge and inside the apartment. Once they we in, Magnus snapped his fingers, his magic pulling down the shades on the windows to protect the vampires from the harmful sunlight. All four men walked into the living room area, taking a seat on the couches there.

Raphael was the first one to speak, surprising Alec and Magnus. "Simon, I'm- I'm sorry. I never meant for this to go this far or for you to feel this way." He said, full of sorrow. Hearing this, Simon shrugged.

"It's okay. I mean, honestly I deserve to-" Before Simon could finish the sentence, Magnus cut him off. "Don't you dare say you deserve to die or you deserve to feel this way. You don't. You made a mistake, but you don't deserve this." He said to the young boy. 

Raphael nodded in agreement, and it confused Simon. Hadn't the clan leader wanted him dead? You don’t just put out kill orders on people as a joke. "Wait. Raphael. I'm confused. Why do you care? You made it clear, you wanted me dead. So why are you acting so concerned?" He asked.

The older vampire sighed. "It was because I was angry. I had people watching out for you just in case anyone acted on the kill order. I never actually wanted you dead, I just needed you to leave. I thought just telling you to get out wouldn't be enough, so I went to an extreme. I'm sorry, Simon. I truly am."

Simon teared up when he heard this. He really thought Raphael wanted him gone, and while he was struggling to actually believe what he was hearing, it made him feel so much better. "No, I'm sorry Raphael. I fucked up. I thought I was doing the right thing. Family is everything, but I just realized way too late that you guys had become my family. You were so good to me. I'm so grateful to have been with you all for that short time. Even though it was hard to adjust at first, it was so great there. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you all sooner." He said, beginning to sniffle. 

"I should have tried listening to you more when you first asked about talking to Camille. I could have prevented this too. Let's just call it even. And let's get you back home, with the clan. We all have missed you, baby." Raphael says, his voice surprisingly soft. At hearing this tone from the clan leader, Alec and Magnus both shared a small smile. 

"I don't mean to interrupt, but its daylight outside. Simon has a room here and I always keep a room here for you, Raphael. How about you guys stay here and get some rest?" Magnus asked, stifling a yawn. 

The vampires nodded at the suggestion. The four men all stood and head off to their own rooms, feeling exhausted physically and emotionally. None of them struggled to get to sleep once they got into their beds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! The next one should be around double the length of this one.


End file.
